“A remarkable book with a stunning sense of time and place. Susan Hayden has the warm and personal voice of a close friend whispering truths in your ear. Now You Are a Missing Person lingers long in your heart, along with the ghosts and heroes of Los Angeles’ recent past. They’re all alive here, in Hayden’s vivid tales of life, loss and the unexpected return of love just when you needed it most.”

-Cameron Crowe

Available for purchase at Barnes & Noble, Beyond Baroque Bookstore, Book Soup, Brat Store, Hennessey + Ingalls, Moon Tide Press, North Figueroa Bookshop, Page Against the Machine, Tomorrow Today Bookstore, Village Well Books, Zibby’s Bookshop at Bookshop.org, Amazon and elsewhere.

Available to check out at the following Los Angeles Public Libraries: Centrai Library-Literature Dept and the Wilshire Branch.

And at the Sims Library of Poetry.

About the Book

Three devastating losses are at the heart of Susan Hayden’s lyrical memoir, Now You Are a Missing Person. The suddenness of each of these deaths ― her father, her childhood best friend and her husband ― sparks and guides a series of explorations to claim equilibrium and a sense of self. Stories, poems and fragments are woven together to trace Hayden’s search for identity and belonging through lovers and friends, some enduring, some ephemeral. She creates an intimate album of her life, from the 1970s to the present, evoked in an LA populated by troubadours and actors, both shining and fading. Raised in an observant Jewish family in the suburban San Fernando Valley, she struggles and finds her footing in an ever-shifting culture of expectations around body image, sexuality, motherhood, widowhood, and autonomy.

“I was an anomaly in the West Valley, a trickster with a two-spirit nature, Technics turntable and a Barbie suitcase, jam-packed with personal belongings—a sheltered freewheeler, seeking access and the thrill of the hunt. And I was a bolter, always running away, but just for a little while.”

―Susan Hayden, Borrowing Sugar, from Now You Are a Missing Person

Praise for Now You Are a Missing Person

For many years, Susan Hayden has been the passionate, patient and loving den mother to the various scribes, tribes, loners, visionaries and rascals that make up the current poetry scene in Southern California. Her new collection of poems and other writings proves why she's so good at holding together these often disparate voices. It's because she is just as astute, powerful, funny, romantic, precise and driven as all the poets she has curated for. She is the reason that the fire of the written and spoken word in Southern California still burns as hot and wild as the hills in summertime.

 ―Dave Alvin

Imbued with the mercurial talents of the trickster and the poet, Susan Hayden weaves threads of verse and prose together for this hybrid memoir spanning her childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Now You Are a Missing Person pulls us into a San Fernando Valley suburb during a time when the reins on children (for better and worse) were not gripped so tightly. Through Hayden's lush and surprising language, we wind through suburban streets and board public buses that carry her to the dark and mysterious big city just on the other side of the interstate: Los Angeles. This story explores the concept of "outsiders" and "insiders." It challenges assumptions we hold about glamour, desire and even safety. Through its myriad journeying, the story moves us forward, even in its hybrid form, as we experience the main character transform into a woman searching for love and meaning. We see her flattened by grief, but this book is ultimately a testament that loss is not the end of love — and that in its place, new love, including a newfound self-love, can thrive.

—Cassandra Lane, We Are Bridges

Susan Hayden's Now You Are a Missing Person is a gripping narrative in verse and prose. In this memoir she writes unflinchingly of love and loss, dreams and visions in language that touches the heart and makes for a powerful healing experience.

—Richard Modiano, Director Emeritus Beyond Baroque Literary/Arts Center

I really believe in this book. First of all, the structure is just phenomenal. I’ve never read anything like it. And it’s the whole truth, which is pretty rare in grief books. So I want to thank you. You helped me through this book, and I know you’re going to help everyone who reads it. This is your first published book. All of us here hope that it’s not your last. It’s a beautiful collage.

—Steve Leder, Rabbi and NY Times Bestselling Author

Storytelling through poetry is one of the oldest, most rich forms of human communication. In Susan Hayden’s stunning, genre-bending memoir, Now You Are a Missing Person, she explores a cultural and emotional lifetime in this tradition. “I was an anomaly in the West Valley,” she writes “[A] trickster with a two-spirit nature, Technics turntable and a Barbie suitcase.” These humorous and poignant lyrical narratives investigate a changing landscape: the explosive era of the 60s and 70s of California. We move with her beautiful voice and quick wit across time, through into the present. Via the lens of Hayden’s relationships, (an endearing Doors-loving Jewish father, discouraging romances, close female bonds, marriage, motherhood, visits with psychics) the narrator seeks to reframe the idea of lost/found, beginnings/ends. Eventually confronted with catastrophic grief in widowhood, she shows us the whirling perseverance of self. These works are utterly interested in intimacy with the reader, inviting us to join her for the perpetual search of love and life.  “This is my narrative, / a shelter of sentences” she writes in “Reframing.” “[T]o magnify the gulf between us / where the truth must lie.” 

—Bianca Stone, What is Otherwise Infinite

Through­out the col­lec­tion, Hay­den remains laser-focused on the imme­di­a­cy of par­tic­u­lar moments. She rais­es urgent ques­tions: How do we hon­or loss? How should per­son­al his­to­ry be remem­bered? And final­ly, in what ways can Jew­ish iden­ti­ty enhance both our aes­thet­ic and spir­i­tu­al under­stand­ing of the world? 

Hayden’s mem­oir is fas­ci­nat­ing, mov­ing, and rewarding.

—Stephanie Barbé Hammer, The Jewish Book Council

“A poignant tale of grief and hope that stirs the heart.”

— Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Susan Hayden, L.A. poet and creator of the long-running spoken word series "Library Girl," has written an exceptionally literate, poignant, and wryly humorous memoir in poetry and prose, spanning her Jewish upbringing in the Valley, early romances and relationships in and around Hollywood, and marriage and motherhood on the Westside. The story then shifts as Hayden suffers profound grief following the unexpected deaths of her childhood best friend, her father, and her husband. We journey alongside her through touch-and-go efforts to find a way forward, embracing new love while honoring her past. Hayden’s wonderful book is a revelation.”

— Los Angeles Public Library

“Hayden moves beautifully beyond the frustrations and joys of being a young person to dealing with tragedy and loss. What Hayden does most beautifully, most subtly in the book, however, is demonstrate how joy and loss are all one thing, how the consciousness of future and past loss adds an edge and meaning to current joys; without explaining the concept, she demonstrates throughout the collection the importance of finding joy and living in the present…

Now You Are a Missing Person is an exceptional collection.”

— John Brantingham, MacQueen’s Quinterly

What Readers Are Saying

  • "Poignant, poetic, and artfully told vignettes of a woman coming of age in ‘70s/’80s Los Angeles..."

    Steven L. Meloan, author of St. James Infirmary

  • "[S]o beautifully evocative and emotional and literary. It inspired me as a journalist, and made me happy as a reader."

    Katherine Turman, author of Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal

  • "A lyrical, painful, exultant book that sweeps us into the heart of the author’s life."

    John Thorndike, author of The World Against Her Skin

  • "A stunning and beautifully written memoir. I could not put it down, so I didn't. "

    Tammy Zemlyn

  • "The writing is beautiful, the stories gripping, and I heard myself audibly saying, “Wow,” on several occasions."

    Melissa Giberson, author of Late Bloomer

  • "[G]entle and brutal at the same time."

    Brigit Binns, author of Rottenkid: A Succulent Story of Survival

  • "Her writing can be both raw and lovable, but beats throughout with the heart of a survivor who is thriving."

    Douglas Wolf

  • "[S]tories, essays, poems and fragments that are woven together in a unique scrapbook of her life."

    Mary P. Camarillo, author of Those People Behind Us and The Lockhart Women

  • "Take the time to savor this book, drink it in slowly like a fine wine, meditate on it then read it again!"

    Nicola Scott

  • "It's a tender and beautiful book."

    Lisa Marguerite Mora

  • "I was charmed and touched by this very personal life story. Susan is open and fearless and wonderfully lyrical too."

    Nancy Murphy, author of The Space Carved By the Sharpness of Your Absence

  • "[A]n artist painting the pictures of her journey with words, styles, and techniques that I enjoyed and found masterful."

    Toni Ann Johnson, author of Light Skin Gone to Waste

  • "A Valley Girl From Encino's Search For Meaning in Life shares honest, intimate reflections..."

    Ron Charbonneau

  • "[A] reliably moving, engaging, brilliantly and creatively wrought story..."

    Say Hey Kid

  • "Like a phoenix from the ashes"

    M A in LA

  • "[A] testimony to how we grow and continue to find happiness once again, and that all is change."

    L

  • "Susan is open and fearless and wonderfully lyrical too."

    NMM

  • She tells her secrets, and the secrets of the world around her."

    Ed Mckeon

  • "Wonderful read. I re-read and liked it even more in the second go round. Never read a book with so many literary forms in it. But they work together. Great book. Buy it. Read it."

    Robert Ward, author of eleven novels including Red Baker, Four Kinds of Rain, The King of Cards

  • "I finished this on the flight back to NYC from Chicago. What an inventive, beautiful book."

    Lynn Melnick, author of I've Had To Think Up a Way To Survive